The Moon-Walker and the Deadman: The Universal MegaConspiracy Goes Bananas

Papa Douche, the Brëss and myself were celebrating the Endless Jam with a ritual smoking ceremony the other day, when Michael Jackson’s name came up unbidden. Our third ears immediately picked up the Memetic Aura of the Name, and SurRealised that The Gloved One may be far more central to the Universal MegaConspiracy than we had ever dared suspect.

I’m not certain how it began, precisely; whether or not it was the good Papa wondering aloud how on earth Jackson got off those child molestation charges, or Brëss pondering the nature of The Gloved One’s mysterious and unnatural metamorphosis from healthy negro human to diseased neolatex skeletonoid; perhaps it was merely a group rumination on the quality of his music, and how at odds it is with how astronomically popular he has been.  However it began, intricate memetic metaconnections appeared swiftly and the smoking ceremony turned cold, the burning vapours doing little to warm the chill creeping through our bones.

1) The Bones and the Curious Case

Why did Michael Jackson buy the Elephant Man’s Bones?  Immediately, the Curious Case of Charles Dexter Ward (as reported by H.P. Lovecraft in an article of a similar name) sprang to mind¹. After all, reviving the Dead from their Ashes and Bones is a central aspect of the Curious Case; was Jackson attempting to revive the Elephant Man?²  Charles Dexter Ward was a man dabbling in the Dark Notes and Forbidden Beats; as a result, he undergoes a horrendous transformation into one of the Original Elders, if not one of the Ancient Ones themselves; is Michael Jackson undergoing a similar transformation?  Or an identical transformation?³

(And let’s not forget for a moment that Glenn Benton from Deicide recently named his firstborn son ‘Daemon Michael’.)

All the evidence seemed to point squarely in that direction, and the Memetic Aura of the Gloved One’s semantic presence pulsed all the more brightly.  Quickly we prepared ourselves against the MindBattle that was to come, performing a speedy smoking ritual twice, facing Guitar and Plunger Studios.

The ease with which Jackson escaped criminal prosecution.⁴  The Bones and Animals.  The “astronomical” success of his catchy Melodies and physical Gestures. “Bubbles”.  The ‘Thriller’ filmclip.  The slow Mutation.  The Glove.  “I’m Bad.”  The Moonwalk, for christ’s sake!

The MindBattle raged, Conspiracy meeting Conspiracy, Reality meeting SurReality.  Michael Jackson purchased the copyrights to the Beatles’ entire backlog; for what purpose?  Given what we already knew, it seemed likely it would be related to summoning up the Ancient Ones⁵ from the Non Ens, seeking everlasting knowledge from the AntiRealms of the UnDead.  But what exactly?

2) The Voodoo Imposter and the Deadman

It was then that the Brëss remembered Paul McCartney’s death, and the Voodoo Imposter from Space.⁶  As he recalled it, McCartney was killed in a car crash in Africa in June of 1966, replaced by a Voodoo Zombie creature, perhaps from the Inner Galaxies, or one of the Galaxies Beyond.  The Beatles had not performed live for three years, there had been no new albums for nearly as long, and the first single after the haitus had been “Strawberry Fields”, referring to a graveyard in Liverpool.  

But the evidence didn’t stop there; as we gazed in utter MisBelief, The Gloved One’s Memetic Aura went supernova.  Obviously, the Voodoo Space Imposter left BackMasked instructions regarding the Non Ens and/or the Elder Times, hidden deep in the fabric of the post-McCartney Beatles works.  Instructions that Michael Jackson has been decoding and following to the letter.⁷

(The good Papa Douche suggests that of course McCartney is an alien, with no interest in normal human sex; why else would you marry Linda McCartney?  We see the Reason, and hear the Rhyme.)

Clues are found throughout the Imposter period; a backmasked loop at the end of “Seargent Pepper” chanting ‘will Paul be back as Superman’, another famous super-powerful alien creature, unfathomable secret desires lurking in the guise of a human.  What might Jackson have made of this?  And what is he doing with these instructions, these coded messages from realms Beyond?  Who is he turning into?⁸ Or has it all already happened?  And what the hell would the Elephant Man know about it anyway?  

It was obvious things were a lot more complex than we had bargained for.

3) ‘Across the Universe...’

Okay.  We again face Guitar and Plunger Studios, make the suitable Actions and Exhalations.  Okay.  

Lennon dies first, assassinated by John Oswald from the grassy knoll beside the motorway; perhaps Oswald, through his plunderphonic Techniques, surRealised Michael Jackson’s occult plans and was merely trying to stop them before it was too late, in the only way he knew how - by killing the Beatles before the Voodoo Space Superzombie could backmask any more instructions.   Suddenly it becomes clear why Michael Jackson was so keen on destroying John Oswald’s plunderphonic Techniques; who knows what other conspiracies Oswald might have accidentally uncovered if allowed free reign?

Harrison dies secondly, two weeks after “McCartney” visits him, perhaps to seal old bargains and deliver final instructions, perhaps to discuss Jackson’s progress; maybe merely to extract Harrison’s DNA for future use in the MegaCon.  Doesn’t this suggest that it was George Harrison who arranged it all, from the beginning to the end?  Doesn’t it suggest that perhaps Lennon and Harrison, dabbling in the Dark Notes and Forbidden Beats, set the plan into motion, before Lennon realised the terror they were about to unleash upon the world, and tried to undo his grievous mistakes, before being tragically gunned down?  Doesn’t it suggest that perhaps Harrison and the Voodoo Space Demon Superzombie from Beyond had it all worked out way before Lennon was even involved?

We again Ritualised, and the air filled with Nervous Gases.  This particular Cultural Convergence had us all frayed, unable (or merely unwilling?) to tell Fict from Faction.  How old was this conspiracy?  How were we to react to this chilling information?  How was the world going to react?  What about John Oswald, John Lennon, John Fitzgerald Kennedy, and Ringo Starr?  Why would Michael Jackson need to buy the Beatles’ material in order to decipher the Alien Codex?⁹ What use could the thrashing anti-malevolent Ancient Ones who Unlive beyond the Universe really get out of Michael Jackson anyway?  And, really, what’s with this Elephant Man thing?

Most important of all, what is Michael Jackson doing now?  At what stage is he in his grand plan?  Where is he? And, perhaps more chillingly - what is he?¹⁰

The three of us could stand no more MindBattle that day, and had to turn from the Studio and think No More.  This is the Evidence we surRealised and the Memes we extracted from the Culture-Aura; the rest is up to you.

January, 2002

1. Both people have undergone strange, reclusive transformations; both turned from cheerful, well-liked persons of repute to unusual, hermit-like creatures whose very name causes rumour to spring to mind.
2.  ‘The Essential Saltes of Animals may be so prepared and preserved, that an ingenious Man may have the whole Ark of Noah in his owne Studie and raise the fine shape of an Animal out of its Ashes at his Pleasure; and by the lyke method from the essential Satles of humane Dust, a Philosopher may, without any criminal Necromancy, all up the Shape of any dead Ancestour from the Dust whereinto his Bodie has been incinerated.’ Borellus, in the prologue to The Case Of Charles Dexter Ward.
3. “He grew steadily paler and more emaciated even than before”. (p233, The Case Of Charles Dexter Ward)
4. Charles Dexter Ward himself was believed to have committed several crazed vampiric murders, but escaped conviction through the combination of his previously good name, and the pronouncement of his doctor that “his continued anaemic decline and increasing pallor prove better than any verbal argument” that the man was incapable of the crimes. (p231, The Case Of Charles Dexter Ward)
5. Charles Dexter Ward and his Dark Master Joseph Curwen were messing with the Ancient One formerly known as ‘YOG-SOTHOTH’; is it this entity that Jackson is desperately trying to contact?   Or desperately trying to escape? (p200, The Case Of Charles Dexter Ward.)
6. Documentary first aired on the Australian ABC in 1969.
7. “What forces from ‘outside the spheres’ had reached him”? (p258, The Case Of Charles Dexter Ward.)
8. Charles Dexter Ward was slowly undergoing a metamorphosis into his Dark Mentor, Joseph Curwen. 
“By 1760 Joseph Curwen was virtually an outcast, suspected of vague horrors and demoniac alliances which seemed all the more menacing because they could not be named, understood, or even proved to exist.” (p162, The Case of Charles Dexter Ward.)
Indeed, ‘Curwen’ was merely one of many names this Master has possessed during the centuries (Simon Orne, Dr Allen, Jebediah Orne); this being appears to be as old as civilisation itself.  It follows that Jackson is also turning into this being known as ‘Curwen’; indeed, it may be that the real Michael is long dead, replaced by this older, darker creature albums ago.
9. “They were robbing the tombs of the ages, including those of the world’s wisest and greatest men, in the hope of recovering from bygone ashes some vestige of the consciousness and lore which had once animated and informed them.” (p257, The Case Of Charles Dexter Ward.) 
10. As Curwen told his young apprentice Ward, “doe not call upp Any that you can not put downe”... (p182, The Case of Charles Dexter Ward.)  Who knows what horrors the ambitious Jackson may have unleashed?  And who knows if he is yet powerful enough to ‘put them downe’...